From Adversity to Advantage: Guiding Your Athlete Through Tough Times
Introduction
When things go wrong, it can feel like the world is against us.
And yet obstacles and failure are inevitable – particularly in sports. So, our young high school and college athletes must learn to face up to challenges no matter how much we try to protect them.
After all, life happens – it throws a curveball when we least expect it.
Sam suffers a torn ACL that puts him out of the game for the rest of the season.
Jo struggles to maintain the GPA needed to stay eligible for their sport.
Emily’s father is unwell, which distracts her from athletic commitments.
In 2008, a Florida Panthers player suffered a potentially life-changing injury when a teammate’s skate cut open his carotid artery during a game. He only survived because of his quick thinking. He ignored the intense pain and skated to the bench for urgent help.
Despite receiving an injury that could have been fatal–and ultimately losing five pints of blood–he later recovered and returned to play the following season, even picking up two assists in his first game back.
We can’t always control what happens in our lives, but we do have a say in how we react.
Negatives can be positives
Performance coaches Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes write, “Humans love to seek out evidence for the negative – and conclude that everything will always be wrong.”
We ‘catastrophize’ – imagining the worst possible outcome of a situation or event:
“I had a big bust-up with my best friend, so it’s the end of our long-term friendship.”
“A bad start on the track means I’ll be dropped from the team.”
Yet, it’s almost always possible to reframe what’s happened in a positive light.
Perhaps the argument is an opportunity to clear the air, strengthening the relationship by addressing some underlying issues.
Track form has not been good for a while, so it’s the perfect time to go back to basics and work on a powerful launch from the starting blocks.
A 2024 study confirmed that with appropriate support from teammates, friends, and their coach, a young athlete can even learn to reframe how they perceive a significant injury and, while recovering, continue to find meaning and purpose in other aspects of their lives.
Solomon’s paradox
Even in the darkest night, light is coming.
Sometimes, we need to gain perspective. We lose sight of what really matters and how the bigger picture looks.
Imagine a friend approaches our college athlete for some advice. They are having a rough time with their coach and are considering quitting the team. What guidance does our athlete offer? Perhaps they suggest their friend sit down with the coach for a frank discussion on what’s bothering them, or they offer insights from the coach’s perspective.
No doubt, the athlete shares with their friend more reasoned and rational suggestions than they would give themselves if they faced the same challenge.
It happens so often it even has a name – ‘Solomon’s paradox.’ We typically give better advice to others than to ourselves.
It’s important to understand because if our athletes continue to provide themselves with poor support when things go wrong, they must find ways to gain more perspective and treat themselves like friends.
Learning from the fastest
Accountability (like sauce) comes in more than one flavor.
Formula 1 (F1) racing is highly charged. The intense competition, high stakes, and emotional intensity means it places incredible demands on the drivers’ bodies and minds.
There are also close rivalries leading to dramatic on-track battles.
Despite German Sebastian Vettel and Australian Mark Webber being on the same Red Bull F1 team, the competition was intense, and they were harming the team's chances of success. Christian Horner, the head of Red Bull race team, devised a radical way of getting them outside themselves.
Horner arranged for Vettel and Webber to visit young children and their families in hospital who were facing a tough time due to poor health.
It worked. It gave both drivers a new way of looking at things. They overcame Solomon’s perspective, stopped the petty rivalry, and began seeing things from others’ points of view.
Shifting perspectives with self-talk
We can help our young athletes with strategies and approaches to encourage new ways of seeing their challenges.
Self-talk is one such powerful tool for making it happen. Ethan Kross, neuroscientist, psychologist, and author of “Chatter – the Voice in our Heads, Why It Matters, and How to Harness it!!” confirms that talking to ourselves can help us reframe setbacks.
His research shows that by talking to ourselves in the third person (‘you’), we can harness the power of an external connection. It’s like someone else is offering us advice. And, as a result, we listen.
Our young athletes tell themselves:
Jack, you’ve faced challenges before and always found a way through. It’s just another opportunity to show your resilience.
Karen, you have prepared well. Now it’s time to trust your training and perform at your best.
The power of reframing
When things go wrong, we typically jump to the wrong conclusion or seek out the worst possible explanation for what has happened.
‘Reframing’ can help.
We can help our young athletes by encouraging new ways of seeing the challenges they face
When Ben, a young student football player, missed a crucial play during a game, his team lost an important match. He was devastated and blamed himself for messing things up. He was left thinking he'd let his team and his coach down and may not be cut out for the sport.
Yet, Ben could reframe what happened as an opportunity to learn so he’s less likely to repeat the same mistake. Adopting a positive ‘growth mindset,’ he asks himself, “What can I learn from this situation?”
By reframing, he shifts to growth rather than dwelling on failure. He also reaches out to his coach and team to see how he can improve – building stronger relationships.
Fast and slow thinking
Our minds are fallible. They don’t always support us in being our best.
Mostly, we react quickly and emotionally, especially in challenging situations. Such ‘fast thinking’ often works – but not always. It can sometimes lead us to respond impulsively and emotionally, missing important opportunities.
We storm off when we receive harsh feedback or offer a curt, unhelpful response when angry.
Instead, we need to engage our ‘slow thinking’ to force ourselves to stop–or at least pause–to see if there’s a more positive narrative.
Humphrey and Hughes put it this way: “When things go wrong, force yourself to stop, think and ask yourself some questions.”
Such as:
Is this response going to be helpful?
Am I missing an opportunity by not listening and learning?
If I react badly, how will I get back from this?
Wrapping Up
Perhaps, more than anything, we need to remember how we overcame previous obstacles and when we turned them into opportunities for success.
Our lives are littered with examples – yet we focus on the failures, ignoring positive outcomes.
By helping our young athletes gain perspective, talk more kindly to themselves, reframe what’s just gone wrong, and think more slowly, we can teach them to find ways to approach challenges with resilience and optimism, transforming setbacks into opportunities for growth.
Such a shift in mindset empowers the athlete to bounce back from adversity and even thrive and excel beyond their previous limits.
As a former football coach, Lou Holtz, said, “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”
References
Humphrey, J., & Hughes, D. (2023). High performance: Lessons from the best on becoming your best. Penguin Books.
Marmura, H., Bryant, D., Getgood, A., & Webster, F. (2024). ‘It’s just my knee’: a qualitative study investigating the process of reframing and young athletes’ perceived quality of life between anterior cruciate ligament injury and surgery. BMJ Open, 14(5), e076799–e076799.
Robeson, A. (2017). Fighting back: 15 athletes who have battled adversity. Bleacher Report. https://bleacherreport.com/articles/429073-fighting-back-15-athletes-who-have-battled-adversity
Taubenfeld, E. (2024, March 18). 76 motivational sports quotes for success on and off the field. Reader’s Digest. https://www.rd.com/article/sports-quotes/