Giving the Athlete Back their Control

Introduction

What if the question is not whether we are giving our high school and college athletes enough support, but whether we are providing too much? Excessive support quickly transforms into control.

For us as parents and coaches, the thought of letting go of control and encouraging our young athletes to make their own choices can set our hearts racing.

Yet, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Most athletes don’t want to be in control of everything – they just want a seat at the table. They know the coach might be the expert on training, game plan, and technique, and parents may have been athletes in their college years, but they have some ideas, too.

At worst, they make a few mistakes along the way – which can be managed. At best, a degree of self-direction becomes a sense of autonomy – and that’s motivating, energizing, and performance gold.

Boosting autonomy, balancing support

The coach-athlete and parent-athlete relationships are not always straightforward.

While there are plenty of factors involved, one of the most important to performance success and athlete well-being is described by psychologists as the ‘autonomy-supportive relationship.’ It’s a fancy way of describing that delicate balance between giving them enough control while offering the right amount of support.

In many ways—particularly for parents—it means providing guidance when needed but ultimately giving the student-athlete the freedom to make their own choices.

What does the research tell us?

They concluded that giving the athletes back more control boosts enjoyment, increases commitment, and reduces the chance of burnout.

We explore several of them in more detail below from the other side.

Behaviors that aren’t autonomy-supportive

Sometimes, it’s helpful to flip things around and look at what we shouldn’t do.

So, let’s look at coach behavior that is not autonomy-supportive (i.e., it doesn’t give athletes a good balance of control and support). 

‘Unhelpful’ coach (and parent) behaviors may include:

1. ‘Controlling’ competence feedback means providing positive feedback but attaching conditions:

“Great game, but you’ll play better tomorrow.”

1. Controlling behaviors — stripping the athlete of having any say regarding how, what, and when tasks, drills, training, etc., are performed

The coach controls every aspect of practice, from drills to breaks, without considering athletes' feedback. They create an environment where athletes feel undervalued and uninvolved in their development.

• Ego-involvement — athletes can’t focus on their personal goals and self-direction because they are constantly being compared with other athletes or an external standard. Such behavior creates a sense of inadequacy and shifts the focus from personal development to living up to an external ideal for success.

A high school football coach frequently compares existing team members to previous players who have gone on to play at major universities or in the NFL. 

• Emotional manipulation — the coach (or parent) uses emotional relationships and attachment to push the athletes harder and further.

A track coach makes anyone underperforming this season feel guilty and not worthy of being on the team.

While most of the listed behaviors take the coach's perspective, they can apply equally to athlete-parent relationships.

Such behaviors aren’t autonomy-supportive because they undermine the athlete’s sense of control and can even impact their motivation and overall well-being in sports.

How to provide practical, balanced support

Offer competence feedback in a ‘non-controlling’ way
After a game, a hockey coach talks about what went well and areas for improvement without assigning blame.
A coach uses video footage to highlight a player's progress through the season while suggesting areas for future skills practice.

Avoid controlling behaviors
A hockey coach sets strategic goals but allows players to make real-time decisions.
A coach avoids setting strict diets but provides guidance and information for athletes to make healthy food choices.

Stop ego-involvement in athletes
A coach empathizes team and individual achievements rather than comparing athletes against one another.
After a race, a coach focuses on individual effort and areas for improvement rather than who came first.

Reducing fear and promoting growth

While giving the student-athletes the support and degree of control they need in their sports and life beyond is vital, so too is the need to reduce fear so they are free to engage their key strengths and skills to perform at their best.

Coach Neal Anderson says, “I really want the athlete to feel safe about doing something that is perhaps a little out of their comfort zone.”

Writer and ‘coaches coach,’ John Yeager agrees. Giving more control to athletes empowers them in a ‘fear-less’ environment. They experiment and try new things to see what works – it’s autonomy building.

Removing obstacles

As parents and coaches, we can help our young athletes by removing unnecessary obstacles.

For one, poor communication.

We should communicate our thoughts and reasoning clearly and effectively, so the athlete quickly grasps what is required and understands their choices.

We can reduce mental overload.

The quarterback doesn’t need 20 different things to think about on the pitch, says coach Kevin Cox. He’s already analyzed them and given the player two or three things to focus on. The athlete still makes the decision but doesn’t need to search for it.

Wrapping Up

References